Momentary Relapse
by hellomyfriends
Summary: Six years have past since Edward left Bella. Six long years in which Bella has grown into a strong woman and Edward has... well he's shrivelled. Bella is the lead singer of a band, growing in popularity. When Edward attends one of Momentary Relapse's concerts, what will happen? Rated M for language and lemons.
1. Remind Me Why We're Here Again?

**A/N: Welcome everyone to my newest writing adventure! I hope you all fall in love with my versions of these characters, just as I have. A few things: the song in this chapter is the ever wonderful Lana Del Rey's _24_ \- I'd recommend giving it a listen. Also, I have drawn inspiration for this plot from Chandler1200's _EverClear_ , a fanfic I most definitely recommend you read! (I have borrowed the basic idea but not the plot or the characters so there won't be any spoilers for my story.) Finally, I don't own the music used or the _Twilight_ universe and will be gaining no money from it. That all said, I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think I did well and what I could improve on. :) **

_Momentary Relapse_ Chapter One: Remind Me Why We're _Here_ Again?

 ***-*-*-*-*-*-*BPOV*-*-*-*-*-*-***

 _The flowers danced and the wind rustled through the trees, as we lay there, hands entwined through the grass, the sun warming our faces. We didn't talk, we didn't move – aside from our chests rising and falling as we breathed in unison. It was these moments, the small, simple, silent ones that were the most meaningful, the most deeply passionate. A small smile danced on my lips, one that I knew without looking also crossed his face, except his would be crooked. And I turned towards the sparkling angel lying beside me in the dirt and the grass, tracing the features of his face with my eyes – the ruffled bronze hair, the piercing eyes, the perfectly straight nose, and that gentle, crooked smile –_

The bus screeched to a stop and I bolted upright.

"Wake the fuck up, sleeping beauty!" Michael laughed, "We're here, so bundle up, princess!"

Blinking the sleep out of my eyes, I raised my head and glanced out the window to see a world of white. The snow lay heavily, blanketing the ground. Hell, even the buildings were white. The sign for the Fairbanks Princess Riverside Lodge graced my eyes and I realized that tonight I was going to get to sleep in a proper bed for once. We'd been on tour 6 weeks already and it was getting exhausting – we'd started in New York, then worked our way through Canada to Alaska. Two gigs in Fairbanks and then 6 more weeks of travel, working our way to Florida and then home to Seattle. And when we weren't playing a gig in a town, we got no hotel and no bed (aside from the one at the back of the bus that Michael usually stole) meaning uncomfortable sleep in our seats and constant fast food. We'd been driving two days straight since our last gig and the thought of a bed and some personal space was enough to get me up and swiftly moving out of the bus.

But the second I stepped outside, the wind hit and I remembered why I was dreading coming here… who the fuck goes to Alaska in January?

"Bands who need gigs to keep the lights on?" Michael quipped sarcastically at my side – apparently, I'd spoken out loud.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go guys – I'm in desperate need of a strong, hot drink and our shit won't unload itself!" I led the charge, grabbing my duffle bag as the guys all grabbed their bags and the gear that they wanted overnight. As we shuffled into the quaint though large hotel, Emma began passing out room keys, having somehow slipped inside without me noticing… not that I was going to complain about not having to deal with the annoyance of checking in. We packed into the elevators, headed up to the fourth floor and split.

The second I was in my room, I threw the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door and locked it, relieved to finally have a waking moment to myself. Throwing my bag on the desk, I grabbed one of the tiny bottles of whiskey out of the minifridge, and turned on the kettle they had graciously added to my room. I flopped gracelessly onto the bed and flicked through the TV channels, settling on TMZ, volume turned low. The kettle clicked off and I quickly poured the boiling water over my teabag, letting it steep for a moment before pouring in a generous helping of the whiskey. Their whiskey was shit and so was their Earl Grey but it was too warm and comforting for me to truly complain as I relished the peaceful moment.

Unfortunately, as with all peaceful moments it was bound to be disturbed. My tea was almost finished when the photo flashed across the screen. It was me. _It was me_. Why the fuck was I on TMZ? _How_ the fuck was I on TMZ?! I wasn't even on our album cover! Momentary Relapse was gaining traction, but we weren't famous by any means, we weren't even well known! The mug slipped out of my hand, splashing the remainder of its contents on the bedspread but I didn't care. I slammed pause on the remote and ran out the door. Banging on the doors that I guessed the others were behind, I ran down the hall, stopping at Emma's door.

"Emma! EMMA! Open the goddam door! You won't believe what –" The door opening stopped my banging.

"Chill the fuck out, girl. What's wrong?" Emma's face was creased with worry.

Without hesitation, I pushed my way into the room, quickly turning her TV to the right channel just in time to see the end of their heated discussion about Momentary Relapse's upcoming performance. Unsurprisingly, the whole band had followed me into Emma's room and the group had absolutely packed the tiny room… yet despite all the people, you could have heard a pin drop in that room – well for about ten seconds, then all hell broke loose.

Above the noise, I heard two voices. Michael, by far the loudest, pushed his way to me, and grabbed me in what must have been the world's biggest bear hug, lifting me off the ground in the process.

"We did it, baby girl. We fucking did it!"

To my right, Emma dropped to the floor, her mouth hanging open. She just kept repeating, quietly: "How? Why? What? How? Why? What? How? Why? What?"

And then came the knock on the door, and hotel security politely shushed us and ushered us all back to our rooms. And still, we were all stunned. Somehow, our band, born out of mutual depression and one too many drinks had gone national overnight for something as trivial as our wardrobe.

 ***-*-*-*-*-*-*EPOV*-*-*-*-*-*-***

It had been six years. Six years since I gave up my love, my life. Six years I'd spent feeling depressed, tired, and alone. In these moments, I cursed my immortality – what I wouldn't give for just one night's sleep, one night's reprieve. Music was my only solace, though I didn't play anymore. I couldn't bear the thought of playing or of composing without _her_ by my side as she had once been. But listening? Listening to music was pretty much all I ever did anymore aside from the occasional and necessary hunts – and even those I had to be dragged on.

 _There's only 24 hours in a day  
And half as many ways for you to lie to me, my little love  
There's only 24 hours in a day  
And half of those, you lay awake  
With thoughts of murder and carnage_

The simple orchestration and clear, perfect voice rang out through my room, reminding me of what I'd done. It was as if this song were written just for me – so many of Momentary Relapse's songs were. For once, despite my depression I was feeling mildly excited. Alice had gotten me tickets to go and see them perform tomorrow – the whole family was going, though to be honest I'm not sure why. Either way, the prospect of getting to see the people who had written songs that spoke so much to me perform was the best thing that had happened to me in these six long years.

 _There's only 24 hours  
And that's not enough  
To lie like you lie or  
Love like you love_

 _Give me your heat_  
 _Give me your diamonds_  
 _You hit that street_  
 _And my crooked lust_  
 _You count to three_  
 _While they're all dying_  
 _You're hard to reach_  
 _You're cold to touch_


	2. Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

_Momentary Relapse_ Chapter Two: Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

 **A/N: Alrighty folks here's chapter two! Just so you know, I'm hoping to be posting every day or two, finishing this story by May 5** **th** **(as I'm heading to study abroad in England for 6 weeks then and won't have time for this). I hope you stick along for the ride! I also want to thank SunflowerFran, EpiphanyFire, and Carat532 for their reviews! Your encouragement makes me feel so great and definitely makes me want to get back to work on writing ;) If you haven't figured it out yet, my Bella is one badass bitch who doesn't take shit from anybody unlike in the books. Also, definitely go read Chandler1200's** _ **EverClear**_ **if you like this, and give Cage the Elephant's Ain't No Rest for the Wicked a listen!**

 ***-*-*-*-*-*-*BPOV*-*-*-*-*-*-***

I'd spent that night wrapped up in Michael's arms, sleeping restlessly. Something had me on edge, and I wasn't sure what. But when his alarm went off, the two of us rolled out of bed, showered, and I went back to my room to get dressed. I threw on a pair of black leather leggings, a dark grey blouse and my go to combat boots. Throwing the bare minimum of makeup on my face and my long hair into a messy top knot, I headed downstairs to meet the band for breakfast.

After several cups of that miracle liquid known as coffee, and a couple pieces of toast, I was ready for our busy day. We'd gotten a late start to the day, but we still had plenty of time to go over (and over and over) what had happened last night before braving the cold and heading to sound check.

When we arrived at the fairly small venue, our stage and equipment was already set up, with my baby grand piano centre stage. Directly behind it were Emma's keyboard and Greg's drum set. Downstage of the piano, sat two mic stands and Michael's guitar. Benji's bass guitar sat to the side and a short catwalk extended from the middle of the mainstage into the audience. It was perfect.

We started by testing the mics, Michael and I singing silly improvised lyrics back and forth at each other, and then brought in the instruments for a gritty version of Ain't No Rest for the Wicked, one of our traditions. After instrument specific testing and double checking (and triple checking, and quadruple checking) that the wireless mics worked no matter where Michael and I went on the stage, we were off to sign some CDs and posters in advance of the show at a small meet and greet.

Meet and greets like this were the worst – making nice with people who'd listened to your music once if at all before being invited. Meeting fans was always great but at these events it was just the sleazy friends of club owner. Yet, one of these was standard it seemed, club owners wouldn't bring you in without one and without venues we couldn't tour, so… yeah. There we were, shaking hands with people who just wanted to get a photo and say they met a band.

 ***-*-*-*-*-*-*EPOV*-*-*-*-*-*-***

I wasn't sure why, but for some reason we were staying in a hotel. We lived only 120 miles away from Fairbanks and didn't sleep, but Alice had insisted, and when Alice insists she gets her way. I couldn't even get a read on why she was insisting, every time she thought of it she abruptly changed topic in her mind or started singing a song in her head. But to be honest, I didn't really care – I was too excited about the concert.

All too quickly though, as we entered the Fairbanks Princess Riverside Lodge that excitement changed to panic as I realized, for the first time in six years I was standing where _she_ had been, less than an hour before. In a daze, I followed Alice and the rest of the family to the check in desk, up the elevator, and into a room.

"Edward. Edward! Focus!" Jasper was in my face, trying to snap me out of the mind-numbing pain and panic I was feeling from smelling her again.

"She's here," I whispered, " _she's here_."

 **Sorry for the shorter chapter, but there will be more tomorrow! :)**


	3. Visionary

_Momentary Relapse_ Chapter Three: Visionary

 **A/N: Chapter three! Sorry for the delay, I ended up spending the night at a friend's place yesterday and then all day today was spent on my final paper of the term. I'm so glad to be done my second year at uni! :) And hopefully the longer length makes up for the delay. Thanks for the reviews, favourites, follows, and reads! I'm so glad you guys are liking this story!**

 **Songs: Snakes Eyes by Mumford & Sons (** **Miriam Carone's cover is more like what I'm going for here though** **)**

Last time: _"Edward. Edward! Focus!" Jasper was in my face, trying to snap me out of the mind-numbing pain and panic I was feeling from smelling her again._

" _She's here," I whispered, "she's here."_

 ***-*-*-*-*-*-*EPOV*-*-*-*-*-*-***

I sank to the floor, my legs going weak in a way I hadn't thought possible. Everyone's thoughts buzzed through my brain but I was too shaken to really hear, I just got bits and pieces.

'– _I can't believe –'_

'– _best news in years –'_

'– _Bella.'_

'– _How did this happen? Alice didn't see –'_

'– _Bella –'_

'– _scent is old, couple hours or so –'_

'– _Bella.'_

'– _Bella.'_

'– _Bella!'_

But then someone – Esme, maybe? – must have realized the scene we were making, and someone helped me to my feet, leading me to the check in desk in a daze, before marching me into the elevator. Her scent was so much stronger in that little box – she must have been here fairly recently – an hour or two ago, I'd guess. Why couldn't we have gotten here just a little bit sooner? I couldn't help but feel like I could have done something differently – should have done something differently and then I could be seeing her… Bella. Beautiful Bella… who'd I left so cold-heartedly. Would she even want to see me again?

As we stepped out of the elevator, I turned to the one person who could help me now, "Alice?"

"I didn't see anything," she said, "I swear. I would have told you if I knew we'd be running across her."

"Where is she now? Will we see her? How will she react to me?"

"I can't tell how she'll react yet – I'd guess that she hasn't made up her mind on if she wants you back. But I got a vision, in the elevator, she was sitting at a piano, singing softly, watch." With that word, the vision plays through her mind, and this time I'm focused.

 _The room is dark, though large, with a lonely bar sitting in the corner. Bella sits at the grand piano that dominates the room, her fingers caressing the keys and her voice ringing out into the empty room, filling my soul with longing. Her voice is soft, yet strong, and so familiar._

 _You hold it, in your hands  
And let it flow, this cruelty  
Of youth as you fall again  
Alone, In the compromise of truth_

 _It's in the eyes  
I can tell, you will always be danger  
We had it tonight, why do you leave it open?_

 _And the stakes remain too high  
For this silent mind  
And the shake, the lonely itch  
That courses down my spine  
To leave a love divine  
Don't leave a love divine  
It's a water tight excuse_

 _It's in the eyes  
I can tell, you will always be danger  
We had it tonight, why do we always seek absolution?  
It's in the eyes  
I can tell you will always be danger_

 _How does the earth around your feet  
Just slip away?  
And abandon, that greets you in the night  
With snake eyes, the most precious kind_

 _It's in the eyes!  
I can tell, you will always be danger!  
We had it tonight! Why do we always seek absolution?  
It's in the eyes!  
I can tell you will always be danger!_

 _I don't recognize the song, but something about it reaches deep into my soul. There's pain on her face, deeply etched – and some part of me hoped that pain was because she was thinking of me, because she missed me._

 _There was movement in the corner of the room, Bella didn't notice, but I did. I watched myself walk into the room and –_ the vision ends.

 ***-*-*-*-*-*-*BPOV*-*-*-*-*-*-***

After having my ass grabbed far too many fucking times, we were finally able to leave the meet and greet and grab a quick dinner. My stomach was churning, this wasn't butterflies but battering rams and I had no fucking clue why. I didn't get nervous for shows anymore, we'd done enough that I'd learned how to deal with it… something was getting to me though. I barely managed five bites of whatever the fuck I'd ordered before we shuffled off to the venue to get ready.

In the dressing room, I slipped on the black suede sheath dress I'd chosen for the performance and complemented its short length with thigh-high stiletto black leather boots and a collection of short necklaces. Leaving my long hair hanging down my back I turned to the mirror and psyched myself up, leaving the nerves on the floor of my dressing room alongside my street clothes. I wasn't Bella anymore – I was Izzy. Bella wore combat boots and liked to read, Izzy rocked the stage in stilettos and was the most powerful woman in whichever room she entered. Izzy was unstoppable, and about to absolutely slaughter this show.

 **A/N: Up next, the concert! How will Eddie dearest react to seeing Bella again? Also, fyi, Bella is still Bella, Izzy is just her stage name.**


	4. Strength

**_Momentary Relapse_ Chapter Four: Strength**

 **A/N: I'm bringing this story back from the grave because I'm in desperate need of a creative outlet. I certainly won't be posting every day but I _will_ finish this work eventually. I hope you enjoy this! Let me know what you thought!**

 **Songs (aka the set list for this show):**

 **Pretty When You Cry by Lana Del Rey**

 **Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene by Hozier**

 **The Louvre by Lorde**

 **No. 1 Party Album by Arctic Monkeys**

 **Too Late to Say Goodbye by Cage the Elephant**

 **Liability by Lorde**

 **Fiction by The xx**

 **Weight of Love by The Black Keys**

 **Cruel World by Lana Del Rey**

 **Angela by The Lumineers**

 **Liability (Reprise) by Lorde**

 **Angels by The xx**

 **Cleopatra by The Lumineers**

 **Video Games by Lana Del Rey**

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*EPOV-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The first simple, haunting chords rose from the dark stage, the band in place, as Izzy walked on stage. And as the lights rose, the first words rang out. And I saw, for the first time in six years, the most beautiful face in the world.

 _All the pretty stars shine for you, my love  
Am I the girl that you dream of?  
All those little times you said that I'm your girl  
You make me feel like your whole world_

She was perfection. She stood on stage, lithe and toned, like a tiger ready to pounce. The microphone was cradled in her hands, held close to her face as she the opening lines into it. She was a goddess clad in black. She was strong, her face chiseled out of stone… until it melted.

 _I'll wait for you, babe, that's all I do, babe  
Don't come through, babe, you never do  
Because I'm pretty when I cry_

The sheer emotion that poured out of her along with her liquid silver words nearly brought me to my knees.

 _I'm pretty when I cry_

 _I'm pretty when I cry_

No.

 _I'm pretty when I cry_

Her words pierced my soul, and as the song carried on, the short time we had spent together flashed before my eyes. My most perfect moments, playing in a nostalgic, sepia-tinted reel. Smiles, laughter, love… and then sudden darkness as she sang the words that truly broke my heart.

 _Don't say you need me when  
You're leaving, you leave again  
I'm stronger than all my men  
Except for you  
Don't say you need me then  
You live last, you're leaving  
I can't do it, I can't do it  
But you do it best_

And suddenly all I could picture was her broken face as I told her I didn't love her. All I could see was the moment I ruined that perfection – playing in a jagged, broken loop. I had ruined it all. And finally, my knees gave out and I sank to the floor. I vaguely felt Alice beside me, I heard sparse notes from the stage, but everything around me had faded away as my mind froze on the look in her eyes that day in the woods behind her father's home.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*BPOV-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

As I finished Pretty When You Cry, I caught Michael's eye, syncing us up for the beginning of Angel of Death. I stepped back as he stepped forward, and the words I'd written poured out of his mouth.

 _I watch the work of my kin bold and boyful  
Toying somewhere between love and abuse  
Calling to join them the wretched and joyful  
Shaking the wings of their terrible youths  
Freshly dissolved in some frozen devotion  
No more alone or myself could I be  
Looks like a strain to the arms it were open  
No shortage of sordid, no protest from me_

As the beat picked up, I stepped up to join in the chorus, the words burning and scarring their way out of my mouth. This was a hard song for me to sing still. Like Pretty When You Cry, it was one of the first songs I'd written, and it still brought back memories of He Who Shall Not Be Named.

 _With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean  
She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene  
With her straw-blonde hair, her arms hard and lean  
She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene_

When we recorded this song originally, Michael sang the full song, hence the use of 'she'. His voice was so much more suited to the roughness this song deserved. But in performing, we'd added my voice to the chorus so I'd have something to do… and then I gradually took over the most painful of the verses.

 _Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh I  
Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet  
Fresh from the fields, all feeder and fur tires  
Bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet_

As we wrapped up Angel of Small Death, Michael and I smiled at each other – we'd hit our rhythm, we were ' _in the zone_ ' as he used to joke to me back in that small Seattle studio apartment, before we'd moved east, before we'd had the inkling of the thought of forming a band, back when we were just taking out our emotional pain on his battered guitar and my decrepit keyboard. We kept that energy, running through The Louvre, Weight of Love, and Too Late to Say Goodbye, but as the last of the heavy beat faded, I realized it was time.

I'd always hated performing Liability. I'd likened it to 'my Creep' – Thom Yorke had never once let Radiohead play Creep live, despite it being one of the band's greatest hits. It was too deeply personal to him. I always resented having to play Liability, having to be that vulnerable in front of so many people. But the band and the label pressed hard enough, and sure enough here I was, playing it at this show, just like I had at the last and just like I would at the next.

And so, as the lights faded on the rest of the stage, I sat at my piano, and in the harsh light of a single spotlight, I let my fingers touch the keys and pull out the first few notes that always broke my heart.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*EPOV-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

My mind was a haze. I couldn't focus on anything except those teary brown eyes. Eventually, Alice pulled up, resigned to watching the show, but even this I was barely cognizant of. Until, after what felt like decades, I heard the one song that pulled me to my feet – the only one that could have.

 _Baby really hurt me  
Crying in the taxi  
He don't wanna know me  
Says he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm  
Says it was poison  
So I guess I'll go home  
Into the arms of the girl that I love  
The only love I haven't screwed up  
She's so hard to please  
But she's a forest fire  
I do my best to meet her demands  
Play at romance, we slow dance  
In the living room, but all that a stranger would see  
Is one girl swaying alone  
Stroking her cheek_

The simple piano, vaguely reminiscent of that lullaby I had written so long ago, accompanied by the heartbreaking words… I watched, as her fingers danced so carefully over the keys, as her face screwed up, as she did all she could to keep it together through the song.

 _They say, "You're a little much for me  
You're a liability  
You're a little much for me"  
So they pull back, make other plans  
I understand, I'm a liability  
Get you wild, make you leave  
I'm a little much for  
E-a-na-na-na, everyone_

 _The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy  
'Til all of the tricks don't work anymore  
And then they are bored of me  
I know that it's exciting  
Running through the night, but  
Every perfect summer's  
Eating me alive until you're gone  
Better on my own_

 _They say, "You're a little much for me  
You're a liability  
You're a little much for me"  
So they pull back, make other plans  
I understand, I'm a liability  
Get you wild, make you leave  
I'm a little much for  
E-a-na-na-na, everyone_

 _They're gonna watch me  
Disappear into the sun  
You're all gonna watch me  
Disappear into the sun_

As the last notes faded, she, _Bella_ , stood up from the piano, her back determinately to the audience. She picked up a flask that had been tucked behind the piano, downed it in a matter of seconds and turned back to the audience. Her pain was tucked back away, her face a mask of steel as she walked out to the end of the catwalk, microphone in hand, to continue the show. Every song she sang was another dagger in my heart, until finally, mercifully, she wished the crowd goodnight.


End file.
